Meditations in my Childhood Bedroom
Take a moment to get comfortable…but not too comfortable
Legs crossed, shoulders tense with the desperation to focus
Eyes pressed shut, eager to visualize away how unfamiliar familiar feels
Body floating, slightly unbalanced to the left by a visit that feels far too long
Feel your lungs expand with each breath
Focus on deep breaths, not the oxygen racing to your brain to notice, really notice the difference between reality and memories
Bring your awareness to the weight of the body, your feet pressed against the strange softness of suffocating comfort
Relax, let the mind go
Allow your thoughts to pass by like clouds floating in the sky, that disturbingly perfect bubbly blue sky you left years ago
Let the peaceful sensation of relaxation fill you, allowing the warmth of the sad in-betweenness of childhood and adulthood to sink in
Notice any aches, pains, tensions, or general discomfort. Bring awareness to every single one, but not the deep-rooted ones about being uprooted
When you notice your mind wandering, bring your attention back to the breath — not to the guilt of not doing more, being more, and saying more
Imagine a steady stream of light flowing down into the body, as though the sunlight is going to wash away any tension in your body, bringing a sense of ease despite feeling the stares of the little beady-eyed stuffed ghosts in your shelves and along the walls
Watch as it fills the body, dissolving the worries much different from the ones your childhood self had sitting in this very place a few years ago
Take a moment without opening your eyes and take in the sounds and smells, touchingly normal to the you still trapped in the photos on the hallway walls
Become more familiar with the space around you, aware of the awards and trophies rendered meaningless and the decorations now trite
Notice how the body feels
Stay present, gently scan down through the body, relaxing the clenched hands on your legs and imagining at the end of all of this it will all be okay
When you are ready, in your own time open your eyes
